Forgiveness

Forgiveness is such a powerful tool. So much has been written about the benefits of forgiveness I want to experiment with what it would be like if I forgave myself. I would never treat others the way I often treat myself. I would never exhibit such loathing and intolerance yet somehow I have made it OK to have unrealistic expectations and fail to befriend myself for my own shortcomings, weaknesses, and disappointments.

I'm going to give myself a break, cut myself some slack embrace my imperfect self. Starting today I am going to treat myself like I would treat a friend with compassion and understanding and a little less judgement.

"I'm gonna make me love me, Oh yes I will you know I will."

4 More

I am grateful for the dolphins I saw while on a conference call
I am grateful I can be at the ocean in 30 minutes
I am grateful for malted milk balls
I am grateful for quiet Saturday evenings in

Gratitude Continued

I am grateful for the amazing time I had in Italy
I am grateful for the undying affection and love from my dog ZACH
I am grateful for the love and support of the woman in my WFS group
I am grateful for second and third chances

Gratitude Challenge For Forty Days Continued!

I a grateful for naps
I am grateful for Zicam
I am grateful every day we get to reinvent ourselves
I am grateful for the longing, loving look in my dogs eyes even though I've been gone for a week

More gratitude

I am grateful for Nina who came over Saturday and planted beautiful flowers in my garden and inspired me to get to work in my yard
I am grateful for Rachel who makes certain I walk Zach at least once a day
I am grateful for Janet who poked her head over the fence to touch base even though she was sick
I am grateful for Gretchen who cuts hair on a Sunday afternoon

G For The Day

I am grateful for the guys that work at the local bike shop
I am grateful I live within fifteen minutes of the ocean
I am grateful for tricky spring days that turn blustery
I am grateful for springs bloom

Traveling G's

After a week of travel I have a litany of things to be grateful for. Here they are:
I am grateful that Southwest gives you two bags of peanuts without having to ask
I am grateful for the emergency exit row so I can spread my legs out
I am grateful that out of my six flights this week, only one had a screaming child on it
I am grateful that Alaska Airlines serves Jones soda
I am grateful to my travel partners who keep me laughing the whole trip AND it was a business trip
I am grateful for the Houstonian and its regalness
I am grateful to the Hyatt for being a LEED Certified (green hotel) that was so utterly cool
I am grateful to room service, hot coffee in bed with the paper while traveling
I am grateful for maid service
I am grateful for the R&G Lounge in San Francisco as they make the best seafood, tofu (I know) soup EVER
I am grateful for the Hilton honey's (No not Paris) the two Cairn terriers that visit the Hilton in San Francisco with their owners who are part owners of the hotel
I am grateful to have seen Snoqualamie falls, the snow and the early blooms of the cherry blossoms
I am grateful to have made a snowball out of real snow
I was grateful to return home safely to my friends, family, pets, and my own bed

Gratitude Posting For The Day

I am grateful for lazy, really lazy Saturdays
I am grateful for Southwest's print your own boarding pass
I am grateful I found "New York" bakery and that they still make their butt kicking cheese pockets
I am grateful for adult naps and microwave popcorn in the middle of a Saturday afternoon

More G

I am grateful for my friend Tracey who pushes me to ride my bike when I just want to be a slug
I am grateful for the beautiful ride home today along the PCH where the view of the ocean was spectacular
I am grateful for technology so I can work at home tomorrow because I'm beat!
I am grateful that I am still in touch with my friend Carol from kindergarten

Grateful and Sad

I am grateful to be surviving cancer when life is so fleeting and so very precious. My heart goes out to Liam Neeson and his family on the loss of their beloved Natasha Richardson. Even in Hollywood where everyone is golden, life can be brief, fragile, and end in an instant.
I am grateful I recognize and really get how fleeting everything is
I am grateful to feel, really feel, empathy
I am grateful for my guardian angel

4X40 continued

I am grateful for warm spring days
I a grateful for afternoon strolls
I am grateful for humor
I am grateful for Trader Joe's frozen lasagna

More on the big "G"

I am grateful for my friend Liz who is my personal on-call IT unit
I am grateful for the beautiful day we had today
I am grateful to have had the time to take a bike ride at lunch
I am grateful my neighbor and friend Rachel who never gives up on me walking the dogs together

This Weekend

I had a mellow, nice weekend. I went back to WFS after a reprieve. I realize how fortunate I am to have the support and caring from such an amazing group of woman. My dear friend Liz came over and helped me (as usual) trouble shoot my computer. We took a drive to see her new hacienda and them went for cupcakes, yes, cupcakes. I received several intermitant calls from Tracey filing me in on the senior olympics her mother was participating in, otherrwise dubbed "The Big Chuckle." More on that at a later date. Sunday was the Mod Swap, Rubios, and a nice long nap. Relaxing, learning facebook, and hanging with my pup. Life is good.

Sundays Gratitude List

I am grateful for my friend Nina
I am grateful for naps
I am grateful for city development with forethought
I am grateful for the support of the woman at WFS

Whining Recall-Gratitude in Everyting-Keeping The Beast At Bay

Yesterday I was advised that my portion, yes my portion of my 90 day supply of drugs was $2,300.00....yes that's right. My company switched to a health insurance plan called an HSA where I have to fund the first $5,000.00. Every ninety days I would call in my refill and have my co-pay charged to my credit card. Occasionally I would gripe about the $120.00. When I found out the true cost of these drugs I was floored and proceeded to launch into a full on pity party for myself. Towards the end of the day when I began to develop more of an "it is what it it" attitude, I realized how fortunate I was to even have health insurance, and I am able to pay for my drugs, even though it will take some creative financing. I starting thinking about all the people losing their jobs. Right now one in ten of us is unemployed. Unemployed! Forget about health insurance. Millions are without health insurance, and those with sub standard health plans are choosing, yes choosing, to forgo filling their prescriptions for life saving medications. The elderly cannot afford to continue taking life saving medications, they have to chose between drugs and food. It's not just the elderly either it is happening in middle America as well.

We need health reform on so many levels. Don't even get me started on big Pharmacetical companies. My point is gratitude. I shifted my thinking and reversed my thought process to gratitude and reminded myself of my committment to myself to find meaning in every encounter and to have gratitude for the lessons each situation presents.

Later that evening I opened my email to find an message from my tax person. I haven't had a decent refund in years. Usually just enough from Federal to pay State. The email was to tell me I would be getting a refund in the amount of, yes, just enough to cover my drug expenses for the next 90 days. Coincidence? I think not.

I am keeping the beast called cancer at bay. There is a price. There is a price for everything. I will gladly pay it.

Gratitude in action

I am grateful for perspective
I am grateful for friends who are good listeners
I am grateful for the drugs that keep me in remission
I am grateful for remission from the "beast" called cancer

Gratitude Posting For The Day

I am grateful for independent film
I am grateful for independent film houses
I am grateful for the internet
I am grateful for friends who stay in touch even though at times I'm not so great at doing the same

The big "G" continued

I am grateful the 2 visiting Yorkies go home at night
I am grateful for spandex and cotton blends
I am grateful for Trader Joe's
I am grateful for daylight savings time

More things to have gratitude for....

On demand 30 Rock from netflicks right to your computer
Buckwheat pancakes
Weekend visits from friends and neighbors
The unconditional love of my cat and dog and the neighbor dogs!

Weekend Gratitute

I am grateful for baggy flannel P.J.s
I am grateful for Hagen Daas coffee frozen yogurt
I am grateful for Annie's cheddar bunnies
I am grateful for net flixs

Gratitude

I am grateful for a flexible work schedule
I am grateful for fun caring co-workers
I am grateful daylight savings time is on the way
I am grateful for the love I have for my dog and cat

40x4 of gratitude

I am grateful for the rain
I am grateful the DOW was up
I am grateful for blue bottle coffee
I am grateful for the morning kisses I get from Zach(my Yorkie)

Is the glass half full....or

I attended a work seminar today where one of the speakers brought up the practice of gratitude. What I was expecting was yet another delivery of the woes of the
economy, further justification of our salary freeze, and frankly, just more bad news.

Rather it was one individuals perspective of how this year is going to be a great year, filled with opportunity,encouraging us to look at the glass realistically. It can only hold so much.

It's really up to us how we view this time in history. I'm not suggesting we turn a blind eye, or ignore the reality of the hardships affecting many people we know and love. What I am suggesting is we resist the urge to throw our hands in the air and say, well what can I do about it? We can continue to be good, no great at what we do, We can continue to grow and learn. I personally am inspired to take advantage of educational opportunities either within the workplace or elsewhere and make certain my skill set is tip top. Not just my employable skill set but my life skills set.

First and foremost I am going to continue to remind my self to be grateful and to practice gratitude. For the next month, every day, I am going to list five things I am grateful for.

Ah, I am grateful for the lovely sip of silk oolong tea I've just taken!

Anniversaries To Take Stock of

In spite of a wicked sad economy I can't help but feel gratitude about so many gifts I have been given this past year. Ironically this Valentine's day celebrates my last day of radiation treatment one year ago to the day. So, officially I am in remission for one solid year. I count myself so fortunate as through my experience I have met many, many wonderful woman who have not been as fortunate as me. My "Writing Through Cancer group at Scripps Hospital provided a safe haven for me to express my fears, sadness, and to work through the losses I experienced this last year. Writing has also helped me find the voice to celebrate the gains as well. "Without lemons there can be no lemonade!

This November was my Mothers Birthday and January 24Th was the one year anniversary of her passing. This year was the first time ever my family did not come together as one for the holidays. I was dreading the holidays this year. My heart ached simply imagining sitting down for Christmas dinner and looking across the table only to miss watching my Mom sneak a taste of the mashed potatoes before grace in her mischievous way.

Lemonade....I made every minute count. I stayed fully engaged with every member of my family as if I may never have this moment again, because life can turn on a dime, in 24 short hours life can continue as you know longer recognize it.

Everything is different now. My body is forever altered, but more importantly so is my heart. I have been blessed with seeing the best in everybody, I have amazing friends, neighbors, co-workers which really fall into the friends category. I had and continue to receive excellent medical care. Forget about the whys, the how comes, etc etc. Just embrace the what is and may be surprised, delightfully so!

I am going to make every effort not to allow myself to become swept up in the negative media blitz about the state of our economy, our world, etc, I am however going to be mindful of those who are affected and continue to practice gratitude for all I have and to face every challenge with humility and gratitude.