2 Many for 2 years

I survived Mother's Day (barely) now I look forward towards, Father's Day, my Mother's birthday, holidays, and on and on and on.  Which is my point.  Moving on. Moving on holding the love and the memories of those of which we lose close to us. Loss is a fact of life.  As we age we start to see our parents become ill, our friends begin to lose their parents, and if you are like me, over 50, we become ill.

Last year and this year I have faced the biggest challenges of my life; I stopped drinking, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, my Mother died unexpectedly, my dearest and closest friends father died, and my dear Nina had her shoulder replaced.  I also moved from a building I had worked in for 20 plus years to a new location, while I was in treatment. My Mother's dog died, and oh, did I mention my niece, the perfect child, has surprised us all with some challenges of her own, an eating disorder.

Did I leave out that my brother, the youngest, informed me "I wasn't really his sister, and he never really liked me anyway," (we have the same Mother, go figure), and everything bad that has happened to me I deserve because I was, "cruel for telling him to step up and be a father, rather than being stoned all the time."

Did I mention how really tired I am?

Losing a parent

Losing a parent is one of life's unimaginable events. Even as we age we seem to think they will forever be there for us.  As this Mother's Day approaches I think about my Mother who passed this January 25th 2008.  Not a day goes by that I don't try to visualize her, hear her voice, or capture her scent.  Last week her dog unexpectedly passed.  With the onslaught of media attempting to convince us that we will be good daughters, sons, or husbands if we present the woman in our lives with the perfect gift, I think about the perfect gift of showing appreciation, love and compassion throughout the year, rather than buckling to convention, and padding the coffers of See's Candies, Hallmark, etc. Going out on Mother's Day conjures, long waits, poor service and mediocre overpriced food. If I could present my Mother with anything this Mother's Day it would be a heartfelt embrace, asking for forgiveness for all the times I was selfish, and didn't take the time to spend with her, or return calls because I was busy.  You think life just goes on forever, but it doesn't.  Time rolls on, people change, our parents get sick,and eventually we must say goodbye.  I wish I had more time so she knew just how deeply I loved her and how deeply sorry I was for never really accepting who she was in the world and just embrace the lovely woman she was.  Happy Mother's Day Mom, I love you and I hope you are wrapped in the loving arms of your family, your Mother, Father, Sister and your beloved dog Belle.  The only thing that gives me peace is knowing you are surrounded by love.

I miss you Mom,  Love Karen